SOoooo, looks like it's been more than half a decade since I last made use of this blog. I have absolutely been reading and crocheting quite a bit in that time, but I have also gotten a job & had a kid graduate high school (and both my younger kids *start* high school) in that time, so there hasn't really been much time to even think, much less type out what I'm thinking. And, of course, some of what's been happening in the ol' noggin are... sensitive topics which I don't want certain people who Actually Know Me in Real Life stumbling across.
Anyway, today's round of introspection comes from a couple of Twitter-y things that I've been interactive with today. One of those was about acts of kindness in a grocery line, prompting me to talk about how, when I was working the front registers at my store (I'm in the pharmacy now, working on becoming a pharmacy technician), I would keep a handful of mostly my own change at my register so that when people would come through with a WIC check for $8 of produce, and they would go over that amount by a bit, I could just say, "It's ok. Someone earlier didn't want their coin change, so I've got enough here to cover you." Obviously I couldn't cover large amounts, but like a quarter or so? We don't need to start taking out individual grapes or a banana just so you can finish up your shopping. Anyway, that sparked a conversation where I talked a little bit about having been on WIC myself when my kids were small and we were a military family, and how much the summer Farmer's Market vouchers meant for us in terms of helping my kids eat well. Which turned into how the Army post near me is sending a lot of people to my pharmacy recently because they *cannot afford* to restock meds -- maintenance meds, like blood pressure, cholesterol, oral diabetics -- and these people are being hit with an unexpected expense in the form of copays.
The other Tweet was someone asking about a memorable Christmas present from your childhood. For me, that was a hot pink AM/FM radio, about the size of a Walkman cassette player, when I was about 7 (so, late mid-80s). I wandered around the neighborhood with that thing *constantly* on. It was the first time I had any semblance of control over what music I listened to, and I loved it. I listened mostly to a "Greatest Hits of the 60s, 70s, and today" station -- at home, my mom listened to a fair bit of the same music, but also a lot of more folk-y, protest-y music (which I still love). My dad's parents were pretty much all Grand Ole Opry, All the Time (which, again, I still love) and my mom's parents were... well, my granddad was career Army, and he grew up in the bayous of Louisiana, speaking French before he spoke English. There was a lot of zydeco, but he also loved some folk/anti-war stuff, the Everly Brothers... it was a really weird mix, honestly, and I remember him singing "Where Have All the Flowers Gone" really clearly. But then, he also loved to put on old Big Band records and put a granddaughter on his feet (there were half a dozen of us girls) and dance us all around the basement -- so if you ever wonder about my love for those old classics, as well as the way current artists like the Puppini Sisters and PostModern Jukebox are reinventing the style, well, it's that. My grandmother, on the other hand, grew up dirt poor in town, and had a sort of social-climbing mindset that she couldn't help (very Hyacinth Bouquet, if you're familiar with British comedies) and she would only play church hymns and Classical music.
Anyway, the take-away here is that I have very weird and wonderfully varied taste in music, but aside from a round handful of exceptions, I haven't been exposed to a whole lot of new music since the mid-90s, and most of what I have heard is variations on an older theme -- some very Irish-folk-inspired rock, the aforementioned PMJ & Puppini Sisters, etc. Maybe one day I'll do a rec list of some of the stuff I'm really listening to these days. It'll be fun!
And somehow all of that led me to this blog, and to books, and my reading. I have a very weird, messy TBR, consisting of paper and digital books that I own but haven't read yet, wishlists across various sites, a couple of actual, physically written/typed lists, and a folder of pictures of books that looked interesting but I couldn't buy right then for whatever reason. Oh, and a Goodreads Want to Read shelf. Unfortunately I'm not actually really reading new books right now. There's a text post I saw on Tumblr not too long ago about not having the emotional wherewithal to deal with learning to love new characters and get familiar with a new world. And honestly, that's me. I've been doing a bit of rereading (although obviously not blogging about it, which I really should consider), and reading a lot of fanfic.
I don't really like to talk about my fanfic reading, though. Not because of any sort of shame, or not wanting to share my reading kinks, or whatever, but because of the sense of anonymity of not really knowing if the person whose words I'm reading is also someone that I know or could know in real life. I know there are some authors I read & follow on social media who write fanfic, but I don't know if they write in a fandom I read, or what their pseuds are, and the fanfic authors I follow, I don't really know anything about their lives outside of their fandoms.
The thing for me is, reading an author's public work, that I have paid actual real money for, gives me the right to express my feelings about it. There are certain standards in craft & editing that are reasonable to expect from a professionally published book, and no expectation that they are going to go back and "fix" whatever I find wrong with the book, and if there are major issues with characterization, or plot holes that bug the hell out of me, or subpar editing that someone paid for, I have the right to point that out so that if there's someone out there who might want to know those things can find it out before they decide if they want to fork out the money to own/read that book. It's one of the things I look for if I'm on the fence about a book or author or even publisher -- is it well edited, or well written enough to gloss over a lack of editing? Whatever in the blurb caught my attention, did the author do it justice, or was it just a tease? Is it actually more nuanced than that half-page description can convey? Does it mess up tropes I love or turn tropes I hate on their ear?
With fanfic, I feel more gentle, nurturing. A lot of fanfic writers are quite young, or are writing in English as, well, not their first language. A Beta reader is often someone equally young or non-English speaking, or simply someone who doesn't actually read for fun, but needs something from the media they love that it's not giving them, so they turn to fanfic to find that missing bit. And I don't think "constructive criticism" is really particularly constructive, especially once something has been posted. If I could, I would Beta everything in my fandoms, and maybe that would make them better, or maybe it would only make them better FOR ME, but I don't have the time, and I'm not living with the conviction that I and only I am capable of deciding what is and is not right for a story that is not my own, written by or for people who are not me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I'm capable of leaving a good comment (comment anxiety is definitely a real thing), so I tend to stick with likes and kudos depending on where I'm reading.
Also, no, I'm not telling you which fandoms I consider mine, but I will say that they are almost all movie/TV fandoms but NOT movies/TV that I actually have watched more than a couple of episodes of. I find that knowing too much of canon spoils my enjoyment and makes nearly every person seem out of character. It's weird, I know, but it works for me.
Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say for now. It's getting late, and the hockey game is in its last period, and I have a sweater going that all I need to finish is the cuffs and maybe the pockets if I decide to add them, so I think I'll go do those things. Much love to all; hopefully I'll see you soon. I'd like to make this a habit again; writing down my weird random rambling thoughts and maybe sharing a few things I'm loving with the ether.
