Gender Roles in my Life

I just read an interesting blog entry on gender propaganda in toy stores, not the first such article I've read, but this one really got me to think a bit more than usual about specifics of gender roles as they're presented to kids and even adults, and how they actually play out in my life. The bit that got me thinking was the last couple of sentences of the first paragraph: "The underlying point all the irrational statements have in common is one foundational core that its advocates desperately want to “protect”.  That point is that men and women hold mutually exclusive roles in the family and neither of those roles can or should be filled by a member of the opposite gender."

So, I started thinking about those roles that are seen as "typically male" or "typically female," and while I don't consider myself either particularly feminine or particularly "tomboyish" (the only acceptable descriptive word for an ostensibly straight, non-girly female, apparently), I will admit that in plenty of ways, I fit more of a "typically female" role in my life.

Typically (or really, stereotypically) "female" stuff I do:
 -cook
-clean
-pop out kids
-read
-watch romantic comedies (i.e., "chick flicks")
-wear bras & occasionally skirts
-paint my toenails
-oversee homework 
-shop

Stereotypically "male" stuff I don't do:
-mow the yard
-vehicle maintenance
-grilling
-play video games
-watch horror movies

The thing is, the things I do, we have very good reasons for why I do them. I am the one who is home regularly and frequently, so I get to be in charge of the everyday things. Considering DH is on the road driving a truck for 5-12 days at a time, it would be very difficult for him to actually cook, clean, shop, or oversee homework on a regular basis. There is NO OTHER REASON why he could not, were he equally geographically present, take over any of these chores. And the things I don't do? Well, I have to do all the day-to-day stuff, so we discussed it and decided that the occasional stuff, like lawn care and vehicle maintenance, were going to be his prerogative. He grills because he wants to, but he can also cook on the stove, and he in fact enjoys doing so every once in a while to give me a break. As for the video games and movies? Well, I'm just not coordinated enough for video games, and I don't enjoy horror movies, so why would I want to watch them? 

But let's really look at those lists, shall we? Aside from popping out kids, there is NOTHING on either of those lists that a man couldn't do as well as a woman, or vice versa. And let's be honest. We all know plenty of women who've given birth but are the farthest thing from a loving, competent parent. Some of them are even smart enough to admit it, and don't try to parent their children; others leave their kids permanently damaged because they've bought in to this ideology that as women, we're inherently ideal parents.

I know plenty of men who love to cook, maintain FAR cleaner households than mine, enjoy shopping far more than I do (I'm really not very good at browsing anywhere but kitchen stores and book stores), and probably enjoy skirts, bras, and nail polish more than I. My husband has even been known to laugh at a rom-com with me, because humor and love are not exclusive to the X chromosome.

As for the "male" stuff -- I know women who are better at car stuff than my husband (he's pretty decent but he's not a mechanic and he's ok with that). I know women who love to grill, women who enjoy mowing the yard, and women who play video games and watch horror movies. The only thing my husband has done that none of them would be able to do is produce sperm with which to get me pregnant.

I have tried not to confine my kids by gender roles in their play or their chores. If the boys choose to play with dinosaurs or trucks, and my daughter prefers Barbies, that's what they like. They all have access to the same toys, the same sports equipment, the same games and movies. My boys dust shelves, read books almost obsessively, fold laundry, sweep floors. My daughter picks up sticks from the yard so Daddy can mow. She goes hunting and fishing. 

The only "gender roles" that are predetermined by the body are reproductive, and there are ways around that. There are ways beyond adoption for a couple -- or an individual -- to have a baby without one of them getting pregnant, or donating sperm, or even having sex at all with another person. There are people who choose not to do so, for medical or personal reasons, or just because it never happens. There are ways to prevent it happening at all (of course, this is Frowned Upon by those same people who are so desperately trying to fit us into gender roles). 

The harder we try to force ourselves or others into ill-fitting boxes, the more we try to shoehorn into a prepackaged "acceptable normality," the harder it is to make them fit. The world has so many new opportunities, and the only ones putting "Boy" and "Girl" labels on them are ourselves -- a mountain doesn't care if the person standing at the top is XX or XY or any of the possible variants, or even if you identify with your particular combination, or whatever. 

Also: a few "Boy Things" that I do better than my husband? Science. Math. And I kill my own spiders.