The Frustrations of Parenting, pt 1

My three kids, ages 11, 8, and 6, really keep me hopping. In general, this is probably a good thing, as I'm an introvert and would likely, left to my own devices, find myself living in a cave with no outside interaction (possibly not even the internet). However, there are a few -- ok, more than a few -- problems.

To begin with, I *am* an introvert. This means that long stretches of time spent in close contact with other people, all of whom are louder, more active and more aggressive than myself, are difficult at best. This is weekends. Long weekends are progressively harder and long breaks (especially summer vacations) can be downright excruciating, since I'm a stay-at-home Mom. I find myself staying up way too late trying to find some quiet time to recharge, and then having to get up early to make sure the kids don't harm themselves or each other, and by the time I catch up on all that lost sleep, it's time to do it all again with another long school break. We're trained as students and workers to celebrate Fridays and fear Mondays; for me it's the opposite. Perhaps if I were a different personality type I would be less stressed by all the family togetherness (and to be honest, there are plenty of times when I really do love the stuff we do all together) but I'm not, and I refuse to either fake it or apologize. I can't pretend with my family, I won't pretend to myself, and, frankly, if anyone's reading this, I don't care enough about *you,* Dear Reader, to pretend to you.


The Girl Child, 11, is particularly challenging for me. She's in that "tween" time; somewhere between child and young adult, and she's practicing her girly. I've had my moments of girliness, but never a truly concentrated thing. She's taking it to what seems, to me, to be extremes. I don't understand and I'm not entirely sure how to deal. Additionally, she seems to want to be an overachiever but doesn't quite have the innate abilities to do it. The self-confidence, yeah (or else that's a mask she's showing to us all), but not the easy recollection or quick wit (I'm sorry, I love her, but...some people just don't.) Sometimes I feel like part of that, at least, is my fault; I'm a quick reader myself, and she seems to want to be emulating that, but when I read quickly, I am also still able to retain the vast majority of what I read. She, on the other hand, can't. She "read" Christopher Paolini's <i>Eragon</i> last weekend (I use the word guardedly, as she kept the book in her room for roughly 24 hours, and then assured me she had completely read the whole thing). It took *me* several days to finish that book, and I was reading as an adult, without a full-time job (other than parenting, of course). I in no way believe that she finished and retained what she read. And, to be honest, what irks me most is not that she wants me to believe her, but that she won't just be honest about it. I don't care how fast she reads, as I've explained to her. It's more important that she understands and takes in what she's read.

In some ways, having kids has made me a better reader, though. You wouldn't know it to look, because I read a lot more than I remember to review, either here or on <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/2300063-tracy?ref=header">my Goodreads page</a>, but I've been expanding my YA reads from the classics that I've loved since I was a kid, and reading more recent stuff, because I really feel I need to know what's out there. I have three budding readers (I hope; the First Grader is a bit resistant, but it's coming a little harder to him than to the others) and I want to be sure that I can direct them toward books that are not only the *quality* I wish them to read, but that are also books that they'll enjoy. I want smart characters, male and female, who are able to be strong and make hard choices. I'm actually somewhat OK with a certain amount of moral ambiguity, but certain themes are right out. Definitely no rape, for instance, and bullying is only OK if the character who is bullying learns better and reforms. Or, you know, is at least punished harshly. Hatred is not OK. I would actually like to see more LGBTQ characters, even for my younger readers, more diverse racial backgrounds, more strong secondary characters...I haven't exactly been impressed with a lot of what passes for teen romance these days. Overall, I'm actually find that I'm more and more falling back on my childhood favorites: A Wrinkle in Time (Madeleine L'Engle's Time Quintet), Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, Emily's Runaway Imagination, and Five Children and It (Puffin Classics) (to name just a few). However, there have been a few standouts that I've loved over the last decade or so: the aforementioned <i>Eragon</i> (although I should note I've only read <i>Eragon</i> and <i>Eldest</i> to date), Artemis Fowl (new cover), and Inkheart (Movie Cover), just for starters.

I remember my mom reading out loud to us as kids. She read all the way through almost all of C.S. Lewis's <i>Narnia</i> books. I remember particulary hearing her read when I was about 8 -- my little sister was still a baby, and in one of the books (I think it was <i>A Horse and His Boy,</i> although I could be wrong) there's a part where one character, a king, is talking to his nephew (stepson? I really must do a re-read) and there's an unfortunate paragraph break. At the end of one paragraph, it goes, "..and the king said," then the break before getting to the actual speech. Anyhoo, just as she reaches that part, the baby stinks up the diaper, and Mom looks over and reads "...and the king said, 'Shew, you stink!'" It just fit so well into the rhythm of the story, it was actually a few years later (when I first read the book for myself) that I finally realized that that was not, in fact, part of the narrative. We still laugh about it, some 25 years later. However, I've tried reading to my kids, and they can't seem to sit still for it, especially as some of the older ones, I know, tend to move more slowly than newer books do.

Another time, I'll get into the frustrations of my beloved but crazy-making sons. And one day, I may even count my blessings! (Don't get me wrong; I really do love my kids. I'm thrilled to be able to share some of the things I love with them -- books, movies, baking -- I just get overwhelmed because they all seem to have a different personality from my own, and it can feel pretty stressful after a while.) In the meantime, peace, love and plenty of good books!!! I think I'm maybe inspired to go poking around my kids' bookshelves for some good re-reads.