journey

"Happiness is the journey, not the destination."

Thursday, July 18, 2013

I Read a Book Today...

I know, right? The truth is I've read at least a book a day, if not more (if they're short & fluffy) for a long time now. But this one was so.... Yeah.

It really needs a write-up, if only to try desperately to straighten out the confusion in my head. Several sessions of fine-tooth-combing the sections involved didn't help clear up a few timeline issues I was having. And the worst part? The first time I read this was several years ago, so this is an older reread for me. I don't remember noticing these problems the first time through. I must have changed and grown or something...

Anyway, the book:


Blurb (from author's website): Sexy, sculpted extreme fighter Dean “Havoc” Connor has knee-melting good looks-and thick skin. But not from his brutal sport’s enclosed rings. Orphaned and torn from his sisters as a boy, he has no family. That is, until he gets a letter revealing how much the once-little girls want him back in Harmony, Kentucky.
To stop his sister from marrying a man as sleazy as he is wealthy, Dean finds himself teaming up with her pretty-but-smart-mouthed friend Eve — who’s heard of “Havoc’s” reputation and doesn’t need some hunk trampling on her heart. Now all Dean has to do is protect his sisters, win Eve over, and expose a devious criminal.
And he thought winning the heavyweight cage fighting belt was hard.

Now, me... and it will be behind a cut, because... Here there be spoilers, yo!
When we meet Dean, he's waking up after a fight in his own bed, and it turns out there's a... I don't even know the term. I think he uses "Groupie," but to me that doesn't have quite the right tone. I mean, a girl like that who follows hockey is a "puck bunny." Ring bunny? Cage bunny? Anyway. Moving on. Girl is making him pancakes, after having him sign her boobs the night before.
He opens a letter, finds out it's from the sister he hasn't seen in 20 years (he was 9, she was 2-ish, there was another sister who was around a year old) inviting him to come reconnect. He's all wary & stuff, but he does go -- to small-town rural Harmony, Kentucky. He hits a bar, meets a curvy girl named Eve and is hit with a bad case of InstaLust. Eve is 25, a college graduate, and still getting a party planning business off the ground. (This is where I'm first starting to get confused.) Her little bit right here suggests that there's only like 3 locations in town that are even marginally appropriate for the kinds of events she wants to be a part of, and there're not that many more inappropriate places (I'm getting sort of a 3-bar town vibe -- there's the multi-level bar she's at with a mechanical bull, there's a complete DIVE -- more on that one later -- and maybe a hotel bar, although I might be wrong about that.) So, I'd like to know who thinks a tiny town like this is good pickin's for a full-time party planning job. Especially since 2/3 of the actual business in the town -- all the hotels & this bar & a couple of restaurants -- are owned by the same man, Roger; a man she hates passionately & who is all-but engaged to her best friend, who just happens to be the sister of the man she's just gotten wet panties over.
Yes, I know. This is slightly incoherent. It is also probably going to be LONG. Deal.
So, Roger comes over. He is a complete, unmitigated ASS -- tries to haul Eve off by her wrist, tries to fight Dean, just all around unpleasantness...and his internal dialogue is even worse. Thinking about Cam, the girl he supposedly loves...well, frankly, he comes across as stalkery obsessively scary. If Cam were MY sister/best friend, I would probably kidnap & hide her to get her away from this Froot Loop. 
And frankly, this is where the time line starts getting weird. I had the feeling that all this was taking place in late-ish evening, but then it's immediately the middle of the day and Dean's at the house where he lived until his parents died, & where his sisters were raised by their Aunt Lorna. But it's all the same day, I think. Anyway, there is much joy from Cam, the 23-year-old sister, at having her brother back. The younger sister, Jacki, is 21, a college student, very much her sister's opposite. And Aunt Lorna is a gold-plated BITCH, furious that Dean's there, even more furious that Cam invited him. There is much ugliness and Dean being all stoic & not letting on that he cares. Although actually, it seems more like he's trying to convince himself that he doesn't care; Lorna's the only other one who buys it. Dean remarks something about having worked his way through college, wondering why Jacki doesn't do the same -- wondering, in fact, why, in a house of three adult women, only one of them actually pulls in a paycheck. I also kind of get the idea that Jacki is only a year or two into her college career, and she certainly acts enough like an 18YO. Anyway, much yelling occurs, and Dean takes off for Eve's house.

Eve's house is described as what sounds like a multi-bedroom, multistory house (gables, bay windows, huge front porch) in immaculate condition outside & in, & perfectly decorated. My quibble with this is, if she's 25, she's only a few years out of college, and she's still building her business. Also, she's VERY high maintenance -- high-quality, designer-y clothes, regular mani-pedi, perfectly maintained hair.... How does she afford all this? Unless her parents are helping her out a LOT, it's impossible that a budding entrepreneur has done this. If she were a little more established, I could buy it, but....she pretty much admits that she's at a stage where she can't afford to not get a client.

As it turns out, her parents and brother are at her house visiting after having dinner with her. She couldn't get them to leave after she told them who she was expecting. Dad & bro are fans of Dean's fighting career as Havoc, and are determined to meet him. He doesn't know they're there & basically all but strips Eve in her front hall. Fam not bothered or offended AT ALL (O.o) so ladidah. Anyway, there is talking, family leaves, Dean melts Eve into a puddle on the bed. Then the phone rings. Jacki decided to apply for a job at the dive bar & someone came looking for Havoc. There's some switching around of phones, searcher is Gregor "The Maniac" Marsh, who wants to fight Havoc and nail his baby sister. All kinds of funky-weird shit happening which culminates in Dean rescuing Cam from a leaky roof.

The next day, Dean is all set to start replacing the roof (did I mention he flips houses on the side when he's not fighting? No? Sorry about that. Anyway, he does.) He gets Gregor to help, & they're at it in no time flat. Again, there's arguing w/ Lorna & Roger, and general unpleasantness. Eve seems out of it & admits she's on her period; Dean insists on calling it her "monthly." Like, three times at least. Really? What, are you secretly a grandmother, Dean? Eve will say "Fuck" but chooses "Darn" over "Damn," Gregor's head over heels over Jacki. Oh, a note about Eve's period -- she says that she gets horrible cramps that last a whole week & she's all squeamish about doing anything during. So Dean brings ice cream to her place. Two days later, the roof is done, and so is Eve's "monthly."

Anyway, I'm starting to bore myself, so we're really gonna fast-track it from here. Dean's tires are vandalized (valves cut off), the ladder he's using to access the roof has a rung cut, and at one point he's shot at by a paintball gun. He suspects Roger, which is only reinforced by Roger proposing AGAIN to Cam (I think he's into the dozens by now, most of them before Dean came to Harmony) & deciding to take a few days when she says no AGAIN. Apparently he's trying to force her by making her financially dependent on him; she's determined that she won't marry him or anyone else until she's financially free of him. Much family drama comes to light.

Apparently, Dean's parents weren't really the parental type. They liked the IDEA of a family but not the reality. So, they were drunks but wealthy, high-performing drunks. Mom was involved in an affair with a married man. Dad walked in on Mom & Her Affair in the house w/ the kids, in the Master Bedroom, and lost his shit. Mom drove off with the Affair, and Dad followed. Dad caused accident in which both he & Mom lost their lives, leaving the kids to Aunt Lorna and her brother Grover to raise. Lorna refused to take in Dean, so he went off to travel the world with Uncle Grover (I kept having flashes to "The Monster at the End of the Book") where, at 14, he got a traditional tattoo in, like, the Philippines or someplace. The tattoo is all symbolic; three vines twined together, two of them delicate roses the other all thorns.

As it happens, it was Lorna doing all the tires & ladders & shit, trying to get Dean to leave because a) she's batshit looney tunes crazy and b) she essentially spent all of the girls' inheritance on herself and if Cam will just marry Roger already nobody has to find out. So the big climactic scene: all our players except Eve & Lorna are gathered at Roger's hotel, where Lorna has lured them all with messages of one sort and another. It turns out Roger is the son of the man Dean's Mom was having the affair with; his dad disappeared after the funeral, his mom left a month later, and Roger grew up in foster care. He's older than Dean by 2 years (so a good 8-9 years older than Cam) but somehow still managed to go through school with her (yet another incidence of "Does this book even KNOW its own timeline?")

They figure out it's Lorna behind everything and that she has to be at Eve's now, because even though she's mostly done what could be categorised as "pranks," obviously she must have Bad Intentions toward Eve. SO Dean goes rushing off, telling Roger to follow w/ police. Apparently, his super-creepy, stalkery behavior is ok now that everything is explained, and Roger can settle into sanity? I don't know. I found him revolting before, this MASSIVE about-face is slightly disturbing to me as a reader. In fact, Dean practically ordered Cam to marry Roger.

Indeed, Lorna does in fact have Eve sitting in a chair in Eve's kitchen. Eve has a cut on her arm, and Lorna has a tight hold on Eve's hair in one hand, a knife in the other, and yet she's somehow PACING and PROWLING around the kitchen. WTF? Lorna must have rubber arms; a good grip on the hair would be near the scalp and would only give her a couple of steps worth of pacing room otherwise. And this is where we find out Lorna's batshit crazy: She refused to take Dean because she was afraid he would teach his sisters to be alcoholic sluts like their Mom was. And she apparently got Roger's dad drunk, took him to the lake, and pushed him in. And Eve must die so that Dean will leave and Cam will be a good girl and only listen to Lorna forever and ever Amen.

Did I forget anything? Oh, yeah, at one point both Dean and Gregor wanted to rip Roger a new asshole by way of the top of his head because the manipulative bastard offered to pay for Jacki to get a boob job because he "noticed her being all insecure about her lack of boobs."

Anyway, I think that's about it. And really, probably more coherent than the book managed. I never did figure out if the entire story played out over the course of three days or a couple of weeks... the weeks makes more SENSE but the lack of indication of the passage of time indicates the days.

SO, yeah. Do with this information what you will. I am considering reading the next book in the series; I vaguely recall enjoying it. But then, I don't remember this one as being quite so randomly, freakishly INSANE, either, so it could go either way. Yeesh.

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