People can be so thoughtless, sometimes. And judgmental.*

So there was this conversation posted on Circle of Moms today:

Q:	Encourage or discourage your children from playing with opposite-gender toys?

Whether your son is into Barbie or your daughter loves Tonka in the mud, some parents find it surprising when their children of one gender express an interest in toys or make believe that we typically associate with the other gender. Does this concern you, or do you encourage it? Or do you even think it matters?

And this is the answer I wrote:

Honestly, the bigger problem to me is the sexualization of toys for little girls. My boys play with dolls and ponies AND dinosaurs and cars. If they want pink, they can have pink. Different kinds of toys encourage different kinds of play, and "girl" toys seem to promote empathy and thoughtfulness and gentle behavior, in general, more than stereotypically "boy" toys. I want my boys to have the ability to be tender and thoughtful, and to empathise with others' feelings. I want my daughter to be strong and self-assured and stand up for herself. Pink and pastels never hurt any boys, and darker colors won't damage girls, any more than playing in the mud will hurt anyone. Some people who say it all much better than I ever could, check out this blog: http://blog.pigtailpals.com/

But I have lots more I'd like to say about it, right here.

My understanding is that most parents object to boys playing with "girl" toys and vice versa because they're Good Little Christians (something I fully admit I'm not. At best, I'm a Bad Christian, at worse, a Complete Heathen.) and Good Little Christians don't want to let their kids grow up to be Teh GAY. And I gotta ask, "Really? You really think that the toys your kid wants to play with are going to determine this?" And also "Is your love for your child so fragile a thing that it can be lost for such a reason?" At best, the toys my kids play with are perhaps an "early warning system" so I'll be prepared for what will, no doubt, be a whole lot of heartbreak and teenage angst if, perhaps, one or both of my boys is gay. And honestly, I'd like that because I'd like to start the dialogue early. I'd like my kids to grow up accepting that we're all different, that different isn't actually a bad thing.

And, parents, how exactly do you plan on keeping your kids from playing with the "wrong" toys? Are you going to cloister your daughters in a Barbie-land of pinks and improbably proportioned female dolls? Are your sons going to be raised by uber-Butch men, taught only by other men in a rarefied male-only private school with 20-foot privacy/security walls? 'Cause that's just gonna work so well, let me tell you! What's wrong with giving your sons the opportunity to learn to be kinder, gentler, more empathetic men, or your daughters the chance to change the world by being stronger, smarter, more self-reliant? I don't want a Barbie-doll for a little girl, and I don't want a robot for a son. There are more than a few straight female long-distance truckers out there, and, I'm sure, some straight male clothing designers -- for men AND women, although Fashion Design is a Whole Nother Blog Post from this gal!

Many of these misconceptions about being gay are rooted in the Christian belief that homosexuality is a sin (almost worse than murder!) and to debunk those, I'd like to point you in the direction of Mr. Mark Sandlin, a Presbyterian minister in North Carolina, and his post Clobbering "Biblical" Gay Bashing. In this article, he tackles all the Bible verses most commonly held up as directives against homosexuality and debunks them. Every last one. In a style that is thoughtful, entertaining, logical, nearly lyrical. AND he quotes Monty Python. I will recap it for you.

Mr. Sandlin claims that the only sins specifically listed for the doomed city-state of Sodom are those of non-hospitality, marginalization of certain groups (orphans, widows, the poverty-stricken), injustice, and bullying. [Hmmm...sounds a LOT like some of the issues gays are currently facing, don't it?] In the book of Leviticus, he states, we find "...a mandate to kill disobedient children, a dietary restriction to not eat shellfish (God Hates Shrimp!), a law that would prevent bowl-cuts (or “rounding off the side-growth of your heads” – and to think I liked the Beatles), direction to not touch or eat the flesh of a pig (no bacon and cheddar soup for you)..." yet many choose to overlook those in current society because we have progressed (and I use the word with reservations and extreme prejudice) societally to a point where they no longer make sense. Mr. Sandlin suggests that part of *that* issue was a misinterpretation of "purity" based on the science -- or lack thereof -- back in the day. Further, he argues that mis-translation coupled with misinterpretation of the Greek word <i>"physikos"</i> is a part of the current problem. That word, he states, is often translated as "natural," where its originators meant "produced by nature." We interpret "natural" to be equivalent to "normal" rather than to mean "the way it was created." Or, to put it another way, "born that way." He closes by maintaining that to use the Bible as a defense of homophobia is to a.) be guilty of judging others ("Judge not lest ye be judged.") and b.) be guilty of taking the Lord's name in vain (using the Word of God under false pretences.)

I'm telling you, I would so haul the whole Ravening Barbarian Horde to church on Sundays if I could hear this guy -- or someone like him -- preach. Even if I had to get up at 6 and bully everyone else into getting up and dressed and fed.

I know that, to most of the people who might read this blog (because hopefully, you are already my friend elsewhere) I am preaching to the choir. And to you, I promise, if one day one of my kids comes up to me and says, "Mom, I'm gay." I will respond with a hug. And I will say, "I love you. I hope that one day, you will find someone special who will recognize how amazing you are, and how frustrating, and will love you for it, but until then, and after, and even if it never happens at all, I love you." And I will do everything I can for my kids, whether they're straight or gay or whatever, to support them through whatever crazy shit life throws at them.

And if you're not already my friend, and you can agree with and sympathise with my views, Thanks. It's nice to meet you. Stay awhile; maybe we have more in common.

*Yes, even me. I freely admit, I'm totally judging other parents who respond, based on their responses. Especially the one who wants her kids to understand that "there's boy stuff and girl stuff and there's a reason why they're different." --Um. Well, girls have bras and boys have athletic cups, because they have different equipment that needs different kinds of support and protection, but that's about it as far as I can tell.