Which seems really odd to me. I really just don't know what to do about her. In some ways she's so very much like me it almost hurts and those are things I really really want to nurture (while realizing that they're not necessarily the best behaviors to nurture.) At the same time, she is in many ways so very foreign to me that I just don't know how to reconcile any of it.
In the former category is her love of books. Like me, she'd much rather than anything else stay in her room, preferably in her bed, especially if the option is work of any kind (including playing outside.) This is one of those things that I both love and hate, because...well, who doesn't want to raise a literate, thoughtful, well-read little person? But at the same time, I'm not sure how much she's getting out of her reading, or how thoughtful she actually is. And I *know* that a lot of the time, what she's choosing to read is what's popular with other -- older -- girls, like the Twilight books, which I abhor. And it's hard, at those times, to just sit back and say, "At least she's reading *something.*" I'm not sure how to initiate conversations about something I have such very strongly negative feelings toward, partly because I know I won't help anything by being vitriolic in a conversation with an eleven-year-old. The flip-side, of course, is that, as an adult, I have finally learned the value of exercise and hard work, whether it's chores, a job, or whatever. And I'll admit I'm not perfect (not even near it) on the subject of practicing what I preach, in terms of getting enough exercise. But I'm working on it. And while I'm working on me, I'm working on her, too.
The "girlie-girl" bits I don't know what to do about. I was only very very briefly really into makeup and hair and clothes, and it's only as an adult that I'm starting to be a bit more aware of things like that, but I don't really enjoy them, still. So I have a hard time connecting to her on that level, and again, I don't want my personal vitriol to spill over and affect her vision of herself and the things she loves. And she has some very wonderful qualities that I just can't join into, like loving to watch football and hockey with her Daddy.
But then there are other things -- the Big Taboos like sex and boyfriends and stuff. Things I want to be able to talk with her openly about, because I truly *believe* that it's important to have open, candid conversations about things like this if we hope to break the cultural taboos that say they're Naughty, Dirty, Unworthy things. But my mother wasn't comfortable about tackling these subjects, and that's made it hard for me. Not that I feel uncomfortable about them, exactly; I'm just not sure how to do it. How much information is too much? How much is not enough? How do we talk about it without me sounding like I'm either encouraging experimentation, or, conversely, perpetuating the taboos?
And then, when I'm done with her, how do I do it all over again with her brothers?
I think I need more books. (subject specific would be nice, but at this point, I'd be happy with Just Another Reason To Procrastinate... )
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