mini-rant

I know there was all kinds of kerfuffle in NJ last week about the governor wanting flags to fly at half-mast for Whitney Houston's funeral. & granted I wasn't a huge fan of hers, or anything, but I was aware of her, and have enjoyed her music, and kinda had a crush on the whole "Bodyguard" movie briefly.

But it really gets me when people post about military deaths and say stuff like "This is a REAL reason to fly flags at half-mast."

'Cause, you know what? I believe ANY death is a reason to fly flags at half-mast. I get that we kinda save that for those who die of a Noble Cause (not that war's particularly noble, but it's the thought that counts) or who are major public figures (Whitney Houston *definitely* qualifies on that count) because otherwise, flags would always be flying at half-mast. I don't think that one group of people is "more deserving" because of how they died. The truth is, not a single soldier, sailor, marine, pilot...whatever their roles in the military, they went in KNOWING -- absolutely knowing -- that at some point, they were going to see active combat. I remember the Gulf War. I know soldiers who've been to Kosovo. Korea is still considered an "active" zone. And, guess what? MY beloved husband, father of my three kids, is going to Afghanistan. Soon. Far, far too soon for my peace of mind (but then, any time at all is too soon for me.) He'll be missing my birthday -- again. He'll be missing his own birthday, and those of all three kids, and our next wedding anniversary, and I don't know *how* many national holidays. And, yeah, I worry about him. But the truth is, for me...I won't need that flag flying at half-mast should something  happen to him. In my heart, as in the hearts of anyone who's lost someone they love to whatever reason, those flags are on the ground, in the mud, getting trampled on. And they'll never EVER fly higher than half-mast.

So get over your Holier-than-Thou. Unless you're the one who lost a loved one yesterday, you're not the one who it's about. Hell, even if you *did* lose a loved one, it's still Not About You. Whitney Houston's death was just as much a tragedy as any soldier's life lost before he got to meet his first child, as any child killed by cancer, as any mother taken by a drunk driver as she drove to the pharmacy to pick up some damn cold medicine for a sick child. The tragedy is that she was so obviously unhappy that she would resort to substances to try to bring surcease from her pain, and even more that there were so many people willing to  help her along to it, rather than trying to help her not need the chemical help any more. And now people are willing to vilify her for her weakness...would you, COULD you have done differently, were you in her shoes?

No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.


   --John Donne