The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears, et al
In this book, Dr. Sears and his wife (and in newer additions at least one of his sons and possibly a colleague or two) espouse "attachment parenting," that is, forming a deep and meaningful bond between parents and children. At its base, this is something I think most of us, as parents, aspire to; the book is full of how-to's and personal anecdotes as well as the usual baby book stuff relating to development and health that parents (especially first-timers) need to know. (I'm really wishing I still had my copy of the book, but it really only covers major info from birth to about 2 years old, and I recently gave it to a friend who had her first baby.) A lot of the concepts of attachment parenting are lifted straight out of so-called "First-World" societies.
One of the big things in this book, which really still gets the media covering parenting "trends" is the concept of co-sleeping -- where the entire family shares a bed. Dissonant voices blame co-sleeping for spoiled kids, squashed kids, say it's connected with SIDS, that it conflicts with marital relationships and makes kids codependent with their parents. And, guess what? Some, if not all, of this stuff *can be true* -- but not for all people. If you're drunk and you have a tiny baby sleeping next to you, you may roll over and crush the baby. Kids may go through a period of time where they're super-extra-clingy. It can be hard to have sex with a kid in the bed -- at least, if you really want bed-sex. And there's no clear scientific data on what, exactly causes SIDS, so it's kind of hard to refute that.
On the other hand, spoiled kids are going to be spoiled whether they sleep with Mom and Dad or not. That's about how their parents are parenting them in other areas -- spoiled kids need only point at something (or pitch a hissy fit) to get it; look crossways at something and Mom & Dad are raising cain to get it out of society -- or at least, away from their Precious Darling. There are ways to make co-sleeping safe for baby -- or toddler, preschooler -- right up until everybody's ready for them to sleep on their own. And as for the clingy, co-dependent thing? I parented all three of my kids the same way. One is more clingy than the other two (why do you think I call him VelcroBoy, after all?) So a lot of that is pure personality. And still, he's happy to stay with anyone I tell him he can trust; he's happy to range free within a comfortable distance, knowing I'm always there in the background to give hugs and ooh and aaah over his discoveries.
For the record, if you want more information on Attachment Parenting and co-sleeping, check out Ask Dr. Spears or pretty much anything Mayim Bialik writes on the subject. She's a little more devoted to the approach than I am. I took what worked for me; just more of it worked for her.
Now, on to the fun stuff; a.k.a. How Attachment Parenting Works for Me.
Breastfeeding and Co-Sleeping: This are two of the most basic components of Attachment Parenting. Most pre-industrial societies really have no easy way of feeding infants if breastfeeding is not an option, and, frankly, it was not really an issue for me. No body hangups to get in the way and I was able to produce in plentiful amounts once my milk came in (although I never was able to pump successfully; that was stressful or perhaps there were some mental hangups that were making it difficult. Something.) Co-sleeping was a major boon for this; I slept in the middle of the bed between baby and husband (being the lighter sleeper of the two of us) and we got a toddler bed rail to go on the outside edge beside the baby so no danger of her falling out. There are actually cribs that can be set up as a sort of "side-car" and attached to Mom and Dad's bed, but this wasn't really an option for us. One of the reasons I love co-sleeping and breastfeeding so much is that, while I'm a light sleeper, I have a hard time reaching full consciousness. It was really easy to, 3/4 asleep, just pat around to find Baby and latch on. I never had to fully wake up so didn't have *quite* as many problems with interrupted sleep as I would have had I had to wake all the way up, get out of bed, feed Baby, put Baby back to sleep, and then try to find my own way back to sleep. We tried it that way; usually I would only finally manage to drift off just to be reawakened within a few minutes for Baby's next feeding.
Babywearing: I loved my sling. Just cannot tell you how much. And why did I love my sling so much? I'm not totally sure, honestly. My kids were usually happy to ride in it, especially if they could see out, right up until they went mobile, when they only wanted it for naps. I could leave them in it to nap or put them in the car seat, which made getting them resettled when they woke up easy (and eliminated most of that awkward infant-car-seat in-and-out-and-carry mess). I could still do most of my housework with Baby along for the ride. And going for a walk, the added weight made it more effective exercise. Plus, the Girl-Child went through a stage where Only Daddy Will Do. She was a tiny thing, and the ONLY way to get her to sleep was for Daddy to cuddle her up in the sling and take her for a nice long walk. She was cozy in her little pouch, gnawing on Daddy's knuckle and listening to his heart beat. Made for some loooong evenings when he had to work late, though.
There's lots more about attachment parenting on the web -- stuff about learning your baby's cues and cries -- but I'll be honest, I never really got the hang of that, not completely. And sometimes you can't answer a baby's need right away. Mom needs to use the bathroom or take a shower or fix herself food or a drink sometimes (or Dad does; I know -- or know of -- a few dads who were the stay-at-home parent; kudos to them. Parenting is hard as is; I can only imagine there would be moments it's a little more difficult when you're bucking a trend and being all nontraditional and stuff.)
And this, in its own possibly choppy way, brings me to what I really wanted to say. Puppies. Having a puppy is a lot like attachment parenting, only, well, not quite as much fun. I mean, in some ways it's great -- you can shut the puppy in the bathroom (easy clean, Big Dog Butters can't knock the door down like he does with baby gates) and go out to the store without having to wonder what's gonna be trashed when you get home, which you can't really do with a baby. But those every-three-hour wakeups? Not so much fun when it's a pup yapping at you to come play because he just woke up and pooped on your carpet. Because, of course, he doesn't let you know he needs to go first. He just does it. And, because he's a puppy and you haven't breastfed in 6 years, you can't just stuff a nipple in his mouth and he'll go back to sleep. You can't (well, unless your name is Paris Hilton, you can't) just stuff him in a carrier and take him everywhere (#1 Eeeew, he's gonna poop & pee all over it. And #2, most business don't like yappy little dogs inside them.) You can, I suppose, sleep with them -- I know people do sleep with animals on the bed -- but this particular little puppy likes to be as close to my face as possible, and I don't really want the mess on my bed. And you know it'll happen -- he won't be able to get off the bed, but he'll need to go, and he won't want to wake me up, so he'll puddle. Probably on my pillow. Ugh. He feels the need to be touching me all the time, unless he's playing, and even then he gallops over regularly to make sure I'm still paying attention.
This is where attachment parenting breaks down for me: I'm an introvert. I have a Personal Space bubble that I really need to remain intact, except for hugging. I'm a big hugger. But Attachment Parenting means that my personal space is always full of small children (or, right now, a small puppy). Sometimes, I feel like I'm suffocating, almost literally.
But mostly... yeah, it's been worth it.
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