This is something that, somehow, I have a feeling would earn me a lot of backlash if I shared it with certain of my fellow SAHPs. And some of them may find it by accident and hate me. But some may find it and love me for saying some things they feel...
I know a lot of SAHMs. Like, a LOT a lot. I'm, after all, a military spouse. Especially among the enlisted classes, it's a big thing -- sometimes almost a necessity. There aren't a huge lot of college degrees between us, and, while the pay's not great at this level, it's usually barely enough to scrape by, as long as you don't try to pay extras like childcare.
So, here's the thing. I don't actually enjoy a lot of the "Good Parent" type stuff. I'm not particularly religious, either. Both of these things are nearly anathema, at least in the community of SAHM/military spouses -- a lot of them are extremely (but not, thankfully, scary-) conservative. They all seem to feel like a "Good Parent" doesn't let their kids mix in with the rank and file of just-anybodies who go to public schools (and I'll admit there's a LOT wrong with the public school system; however, that's a rant for another time) but they can't afford a religious school if there WERE one locally that catered to their particular religious mores. Obvious solution? "Good Moms Homeschool Their Children" -- And, ok, I know all about the potential benefits of homeschooling, but. And this is a huge but. It is not for everyone. I, personally, would never make it -- my kids drive me batshit crazy when they're home for a long weekend; how would I survive all three of them 24/7?
Plus, it takes a lot of discipline from *everyone* involved -- I have to be motivated to make them work, they have to be motivated to actually do the work. I can barely motivate them to get their rooms cleaned up! I don't have the temperament to stand over them, and they don't have the temperaments to let me. Plus I'd have to deal with subjects that, frankly, I hate. And if I go out of my way to avoid them, why would I want to force my kids to deal? It's like my husband trying to make the youngest child eat something he doesn't like: I tell DH he has stuff he refuses to eat, but the rest of us like. Why should a child be forced to eat something HE dislikes, just because Daddy likes it? So I can't justify homeschooling on those grounds.
And, you know, now that my kids are in school, I could maybe look for a job. Maybe part-time childcare after school and on weekends/evenings while my husband is some 5,000+ miles away wouldn't be so expensive? Yeah, right! I still don't have the education to get anything that pays.
And anyway, I grew up in a two-income family. Honestly, my parents, for all that they both work, were never any more financially secure than my husband and I are now. And I saw the toll it took on my mom -- She loves her work (mostly); she thrives on the nuts and bolts of it -- she's a college professor; she loves teaching. But the weekends? After a long week of everyone working or going to school or both, we would then have two days which would be filled with all the stuff that nobody could get to during the week. Bathrooms cleaned. Floors mopped. Mountains of laundry washed, dried, folded, put away. Grocery shopping, dusting, changing the kitty litter. Mowing, sweeping, raking, weeding, digging.
There was never really any time to just enjoy being together. And I don't want to do that to my kids -- I don't want us to have so many chores waiting on the weekend that we don't have time to be a family. I don't want to do that to *myself*! Sure, my kids have weekday chores, light stuff like dishes and feeding the animals, taking out the trash. And on the weekends, we throw in a few heavier things -- vacuuming their rooms, cleaning their bathroom, helping with the yard. But usually, that's less than half a day's worth of work; we can spend the rest of the time playing with the dogs, riding bikes, fishing, playing on the beach, dominoes on the dining room table and puzzles on the playroom floor.
And, honestly, I'm not as good at keeping my house clean during the week as I probably could be. There's usually a pile of laundry needing to be folded, more than one floor needing attention. The truth is, during the week with no one home, it's easy to get caught up in other stuff, stuff that's just MINE -- reading or needlepoint or just sitting on the sofa with the new puppy curled up next to me napping. But the point is that I have time to do those things or put them off.
I don't really LIKE doing Mom-stuff a lot of the time. I'm not into crafting with my kids. I'm not an athletic, outdoorsy person. I get touchy when they get too close, too talkative, too clingy.
But I love giving them free time to explore and learn and do on their own.
That, I hope, is the real gift -- their childhood, on a platter.
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